I am. It’s been very interesting. I’m not quite sure where to start sometimes because I find myself that I go through these periods of just … no writing. No sharing. No creating. But now, I’m starting to witness these patterns. It still feels like torture but it’s a little less … upsetting? I’m not sure what the right word is there.

Learning about hunger has been fascinating. It started with a deep dive into the Gene Keys, which began in November of last year. These past few months I’ve been living with someone who I love. And being around each other all the time has brought out some really interesting dynamics between us.

There are many different types of hunger you see… I actually had no idea about it if I’m quite honest. But alongside diving into the Gene Keys, I also happened to mention to my partner that I wanted to start spending some time with the concept of mindful eating. She is forever the bibliophile … is that the word? For someone who loves to learn and read and take in new information? She has this quality about her anyway and so of course she had a book about mindful eating to share with me. This book is called Mindful Eating by Jan Chozen Bays. I have been slowly reading through it and what it has revealed to me is something quite fascinating.

The truth is that there is something off with my ability to digest and the amount of hunger I have. I’m piecing it all together and I want to try and share it with you in my own way. I am recognizing through witnessing myself and reflecting on my past experiences, that much of what I learned about our very basic need to feed ourselves really doesn’t work.

Hunger was something that was rewarded in a conditional way. If it was the right kind of hunger… hunger for the right thing. If it wasn’t the right thing, but there was still hunger, it was shamed. There is a Gene Key called the 35th Gene Key and this key has a shadow frequency of Hunger. This hunger is a genetic imperative that is based upon low levels of serotonin. And so the hunger shows up to fill us up with an experience that will increase the amount of serotonin in our system, which makes us feel full. However it only does so temporarily and then we start to feel empty again. It’s a cycle of going back and forth between the different extremes of this depletion of serotonin that is there. This Gene Key, the 35, happens to be one that lies in the imprint of my Emotional Intelligence.

So there is a pattern that I developed throughout the age of 8-14 years old in my childhood, which protected me anytime I felt unsafe or emotionally triggered. It was hunger. Now what was interesting is that hunger didn’t show up in my life as actually eating loads of food. It became an obsession about food, over food and it became a hunger for touch.

This is where the other hungers come in. This is where reading the Mindful Eating book over the recent past has supported things to click so deeply for me. There is eye hunger, touch hunger, ear hunger, stomach hunger, cellular hunger – there are so many hungers! Nine of them according to the author. Well honestly I was eating all of this right up because I was able to support the current frame of my emotional turmoil with reference to the different types of hunger that I perhaps yearned for. I see how they are playing out now.

Love languages. Have you heard of them? So my understanding of love languages is that they are a framework that allows people to evaluate how they like to give and receive love. The major 5 are physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service. Okay so … my number one of how I like to both give and receive is physical touch. For sure. I was so drawn to that when I first read about it. And now I’ve got even more context.

The shadow of hunger in my life… my desire for physical touch. Touch hunger. The 35th Gene Key and the shadow of hunger is a pattern that shows up in me as seeking physical touch and affection from others and to give it to others. It has been a pattern of deep pain for me as well because it has led down a path of a lot of rejection. Wanting to get a hug from someone and being rejected? Ouch. When you actually go so far as to reach out for one and you get pushed away? Ouuuuuuchhhh. Touch hunger.

Cellular hunger … eye hunger … These are all concepts I never thought about before. I am so glad to know them now even if it’s only the beginning. I have a lot of time to practice transmuting this shadow at the moment because of the planetary transits and how they are affecting me personally. Neptune, one of the slowest moving planets, is in Gene Key 36, which connects the dots with Gene Key 35 in the way it shows up in our Human Design charts. And it will remain there for about 2-3 years. So basically I have 2-3 years to practice transmuting the shadow of hunger because I will have the connecting puzzle piece through the energy of the transits for a few years.

It has been illuminating to say the least. It is so fascinating to contemplate the things that feel bigger than me, outside myself. What I continuously learn is that all of these different things bring me back to myself. Within myself. So it feels that what’s bigger than me is also within me. Kind of fun. Once I started to figure that out and contemplate that … I started to become curious about what all of these different sources of information were saying and revealing that was the same. What did they all have in common?

So I am currently working on a database, my second database actually. The first one was based upon the specific elements of self-discovery that I felt were related to my physical health. I was tracking the transits in Human Design and Astrology and allowing myself to also observe and take notes about how my physical body was feeling. It was revealing a lot to me about how my systems were functioning and what was in my control for the day and out of my control in some ways.

However, this system revealed to me that in some ways everything is in my control – within myself in terms of how I feel about my life. And everything is out of my control – outside of myself in terms of how my life reveals itself to me as a reflection of my current attitude. So I guess now I am realizing… that for me it doesn’t really work to rely on a system or a series of strings of information to reveal truth to me. There needs to be some more space.

It served its purpose though and I gained so much insight. The technique I developed of doing that provided me with some streamlined clarity on an issue I was having with my body temperature. I learned a lot about how it was a reflection of my nervous system and I am still on the journey of nourishing myself through it.

Which brings me back to the hunger… We have to eat every day. I recognized the amount of stress that all this hunger is causing me. It helps. Sometimes things just want to be acknowledged.

I never learned or was shown the process of acknowledgement of hunger. I was shown eating whatever you’re given, skipping meals to save room for a big dinner, scrutinizing every thing that is consumed because there is a “right way” and a “wrong way”. Finishing what’s on your plate. Not talking while you’re eating. Not chewing with your mouth open. Never putting your fork or knife down, just eating and eating and eating. These are things I’ve witnessed. They do not work for me.

I have learned a lot from them. And I am utilizing this hunger now as a creative force within me that is seeking fuel to generate energy to be creative.

My new database is for something that I am calling SoulStories. I am excited about them and I hope that I will continue to nourish them to the point where I can share them with you. These are stories that come from your soul, written through the inspiration of your genetic and energetic imprint. Taken from my mastery of Astrology, Human Design and Gene Keys, combined with my mastery of communication through writing and story telling, these stories will speak to you, from your soul. I have many ideas about which ones I will do. For now, I am focusing on a keyword database that allows me to compile all of the knowledge I have gained about the different ways our imprints reveal information to us – through the Gene Keys, gates, lines, signs, planets, houses, etc.

It’s very fun for me. It feels worthwhile. I feel a sense of ease and calm when I am writing. One that I haven’t known in many other ways. As I begin to notice the hunger more and more… I keep in mind the different ways a human can hunger. I feel my spirit is hungry for expression. So here I am. I aim to continue to reveal more as I journey through the keys, the signs, the patterns, etc.

Maybe next I’ll share about my entropy story. I’m doing a talk on that soon as well, which feels fun for me. Watching my story unfold has been… something. I wonder what others hunger for. I really do.

Talk soon,

B-