-
Forcing
And yes I will commit to things to the best of my ability. Especially as it relates to values that I commit to. love creativity patience gratitude Very very present currently for me. Orienting towards these. But no, I will not force myself anymore. There is a fine line between discipline and force, between ambition…
-
This time around
I have a pattern. I have many patterns. Many many patterns. One of them is avoiding conflict, confrontation and communication if I feel like I am upset about something and I can’t share it with that person. Another is protecting myself by avoiding how I feel or trying to push it aside around other people…
-
I don’t know…grief
I don’t know what to write today, but I came here to write. So I will. I try to write an article once a week but the excitement for that hasn’t come yet this week. I thought it would today because today is Wednesday and the last couple of articles I wrote were written on…
-
A letter to my mind
To my beloved mind… I remember reading once that asking you to stop thinking would be like asking my heart to stop beating. I would never do that, I want to be here. So … why does it feel this way with you my dear mind? Things that go on in there feel out of…
-
Grief – 3
Ohhhhh boy am I angry. Raging actually. And you know what? It’s not about the death. It’s not about you dying. Its about everything else and everyone else. It’s about others consistently making choices that restrict my life or affect my life and then I have to live out the aftermath of it. I am…
-
A love note to my senses
Hi eyes. Hi ears. Hi nose. Hi mouth. Hi hands and skin. Where do I begin? To eat the ripest fruits. See the face of the one I love. Hear my mother’s laugh from her room. Smell the freshness of the air when I step outside. Feel the softness of a towel upon my skin.…
-
Grief
Ouch. Ouuu. Owww. Ohhh. It hurts in a way that feels physical. I cry so hard I feel like I might break. But at the same time it feels like my crying muscles are elastic. Inexhaustible. So if I start, I might just cry forever. I am grieving the living as much as the dead.…
-
Is it blissful?
Sometimes things are just not clear. I ache when I think about times in life when I felt I had to make a decision before I was ready. Equally, times when I chose to do something before the other was ready, before the situation was ready. Now, I have a tool. I learned this tool…
-
Love and desire
Well I remember being told that if you love someone you do things for them and with them even if you don’t want to. Because it doesn’t take much to make their day. And how much can it really hurt you to do that for them? So … love is doing things you don’t want…
-
On the one hand
Awh man I really do feel the pressure of words sometimes. And you know what else ? Proof. Proving things. And the paradox of life. On the one hand I am an investigator. On the other hand I have nothing to prove. On the one hand I am an inquirer. On the other hand I…
