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Self-discipline
Today was a light day, full of relaxation and delicious food. On days like this, especially since it is Saturday, I can find it really easy to not sit down to write here. However, I am self-disciplined. This discipline has sometimes been damaging to me because of how extreme I can be with commitments. At…
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A mirror is a reflection
A mirror is a reflection. This is something I have on my mind and heart today. I have been raging inside about people’s actions or lack of actions throughout my life. My body is bringing this up and through me, without my choice and so now I have to attend to it. My line of…
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In the end
I just feel so tired today. Yesterday I felt energized. Monday night I got some feelings out. I don’t want to isolate myself. I don’t want to be isolated from those who love me. The love feels so incomplete though. I wonder if I am letting myself receive it? The mind chatter goes on and…
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Bodily rebellion
This morning I woke up with a headache. Tonight I am attending an online grief support group. I have been feeling anxiety these last few days. Tonight I am attending an online grief support group. I have been working more than usual this month. Tonight I am attending an online grief support group. Coincidences? Maybe.…
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Forcing
And yes I will commit to things to the best of my ability. Especially as it relates to values that I commit to. love creativity patience gratitude Very very present currently for me. Orienting towards these. But no, I will not force myself anymore. There is a fine line between discipline and force, between ambition…
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This time around
I have a pattern. I have many patterns. Many many patterns. One of them is avoiding conflict, confrontation and communication if I feel like I am upset about something and I can’t share it with that person. Another is protecting myself by avoiding how I feel or trying to push it aside around other people…
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A letter to my mind
To my beloved mind… I remember reading once that asking you to stop thinking would be like asking my heart to stop beating. I would never do that, I want to be here. So … why does it feel this way with you my dear mind? Things that go on in there feel out of…
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Grief
Ouch. Ouuu. Owww. Ohhh. It hurts in a way that feels physical. I cry so hard I feel like I might break. But at the same time it feels like my crying muscles are elastic. Inexhaustible. So if I start, I might just cry forever. I am grieving the living as much as the dead.…
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Is it blissful?
Sometimes things are just not clear. I ache when I think about times in life when I felt I had to make a decision before I was ready. Equally, times when I chose to do something before the other was ready, before the situation was ready. Now, I have a tool. I learned this tool…
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What if
But what if something does happen and I didn’t have the time to figure it out? What if I am not able to do what I am supposed to do? What if I didn’t tell everyone I love them that I love them and then they go? What if they don’t know how much I…
