So today I am feeling like … there is so much relief in nature. The past few days I have been going out for walks and these walks have actually felt like the most ”productive” thing I do with my day.

I realized that walking has become akin to writing for me. I have felt like it is the most worthwhile thing I can be doing with myself. It has felt wholly nourishing and like a giant relief.

Relief from the questions of life. I realize how I have gone my whole life with an agenda. Or multiple agendas running at the same time. But lately, life has been giving me an agenda. One that revolves around what presents itself based on what I wait to receive. This is something I am experimenting with for me. Because I know that I am a projector.

Just this morning I was asking myself… what does it actually mean to live as a projector? I am not sure if I am confident in my answer because I feel that I haven’t allowed myself enough experimentation yet. However… it feels radical. And I am also not sure if I am doing it fully. And I also kind of feel like this is the point… that it must be done fully or not at all.

So life is preparing me for that. Nature is preparing me for that. I am learning to trust in that.

What is that? Feels like seeing, learning, energizing myself through studying. Sharing it, being around people to witness them and exchange energy. Resting and retreating when I need to, to make sense of things and to recharge. Not initiating. Not going out there to make things happen. Following the rules to see if they feel true to me. To see how they feel to me.

This week I am preparing for a couple of Astrology readings. So to me it means studying these charts fir as long as I want, when I want, until I feel I have had enough. then trusting myself to show up and be fully present with all of what I have gathered and the person in front of me. Then … magic.

When I had my second Human Design reading, the reader said to me ”you have magic in you.”

For a while there, upon waking I would say to myself … ”I am Bianca Paige Smith and I am a self-projected Projector. I have magic in me.”

I wonder now … if I am starting to ask to really feel, see, smell, taste, touch that magic now. So it becomes then about believing.

Questioning my beliefs has been the scariest and yet the most rewarding process I have experienced in life thus far. What about you?

intentional self-expression… I love you B