Awh little B, you are so sweet.
This year, this holiday season, I am filled with mixed emotions. I am acknowledging how it feels time to truly give myself time to sit within the feelings, the pain, the confusion, now. This morning on my walk I was sifting through some of the incessant thoughts. These are thoughts I have had as long as I can remember… thoughts that feel like pressure.

Unfortunately, these things I am afraid of, have happened in some ways. It is the love still there? I think so.

Underneath all of this, there is a little girl, who desperately wishes it was different. A little one who is hurting deeply and feeling upset, undernourished, overwhelmed and sad and scared. On my walk this morning I got to her. I realized that it is time to take some time to connect with her and care for her because she still wishes so badly that it could be different. I need her. She needs me. I am being asked to choose her right now and that makes all the other things feel unclear. That has to be okay.

Whispers of the mind:

Call this person.
Text this person back.

Find a way to show love.

Visit this person. It doesn’t take much to make their day, just do it.

Oh you made cookies, you can drop some off to this person.
A present… send them a present.

Make sure they know you love them. Prove to them by showing them.

Otherwise you’ll lose them. Otherwise something will happen and they won’t tell you..

Whispers from little B:

Please see me.

Hug me.
Wrap your conscious awareness around me, I am always here.

I wish it wasn’t like this.

It wasn’t fair and I had no choice in the matter.
I am not okay with what happened or with what is happening.

I feel scared and lost.

Everyone lied to me. No one was there.
I wasn’t given space. I wasn’t given time. I wasn’t given space.

I took up as little space as possible.

My pain is big and it feels too great for my little heart.
My love feels taken advantage of.

I want you to help me. I need you to love me. I need you to choose me.

Yes. Yes. Yes.